Getting what you want

There is a procession of thoughts and pictures passing through your mind continuously. Unless you consciously control the flow of thoughts and pictures, unwanted thoughts and pictures will fill the mental space and your subconscious mind will be all at a loss in guiding you. This failure, in turn, will make you a big zero in life. These uncontrolled thoughts and pictures can be pleasant day-dreams or worry, anxiety, resentment, hatred, emotional experiences or situations. The negative thoughts and pictures will become the source of subconscious guidance with disastrous consequences.

It is important that you learn to streamline your thought process.  Normally an average human has 70,0000  thoughts passing through his mind in quick succession. If more than 35,000 thoughts are on a single aim for a considerable period, it will be translated into reality. It is enough to keep your mind focused on the goals you have set for more than half the time you are awake or for about 8 hours.  

How to control this uncontrolled flow of thoughts and pictures?

Relax your body with a few deep breaths, close your eyes and black out all pictures from your mind and fill your mental screen with darkness until your mind is relaxed. Calmly but deliberately replace the temporary darkness with bright and intense mental pictures of what you want to become. Plant constantly these mental pictures to virtually overwhelm the subconscious mind.

. You subconscious is not impressed with the importance of attaining your life goal more than you care.  You have to constantly hold a self image of the person you want to eventually become so that it is etched indelibly into the screen of your mind. You have to intensify the mental picture so that it will be your constant dominant thought and all your principal thinking will relate directly or indirectly to it.

Your subconscious mind will produce what you want in direct proportion to the intensity and frequency of the mental pictures. You can emphasize with words what you are picturing. Repeat your life goal in three or four words very forcefully hundreds or thousands of times at every opportunity.

Suppose you want to become a renowned author you can coin the rods, ‘publish famous books’ and repeat them often with accompanying mental pictures. Or if you want to be ri ch, say ‘make a billion’ often forcefully. Be excited about what you say and picture as the subconscious mind picks up the vibrations of thought which are emotionalized. Constantly repeat your coined words in 1-2 seconds excitedly and emphatically accompanied with vivid, colorful mental pictures at least 2000 times during a day. It will be helpful to think about why you want to be successful or rich or anything else and what will you do with the riches you accumulate or the fame you get. The why of your goal will emotionalize it and pass it over to the subconscious mind more forcefully. If you constantly flood the subconscious mind with the mental pictures of you succeeding it will translate your thoughts into reality

Yes, there is inequality at birth

  I have to agree that there is a lot of luck in life.  The country, state and house one is born into, educational and economic status of parents, their ability to promote their children and much more are all beyond one's conscious control. One's structure of the brain, IQ, biology and emotions, energy level, physical appearance, confidence levels and social skills are all, to a large extent, transmitted from parents oracquired from one’s early home environment over which you do not have any control . The great singers, painters, poets, actors, authors, have all inherited a great talent. But there is no point in crying over the bad luck or inadequacies(that is how the game of life is played); let us try to better ourselves with whatever we have got.  The simple reason is that our future does not depend on our past. We are not determined by our heredity and environment.  We can create the future of our choice by simply dreaming what we want continuously, and taking suitable action, perhaps, until we get them. And when you dream, don’t forget to dream big. 

Those who are born luckier did not ask it. If you keep harping on your cultural and social backwardness, inadequate education, early poverty, low IQ, not-so-nice looks and bad childhood upbringing, the world is not going to be amused. The world is after the winners only. You will be ignored and despised. Hence take it as a challenge and tread your way up; it may be more uphill and the task daunting but there is no other way. You have enough abilities in you to succeed and you can rise up with whatever you have.  If you have inherited a feeble brain or if it is not functional we can only sympathize with you. A normal individual like you has no excuse for not succeeding. There are those who have come up to the very top without legs, hands, eyes, and ears.  Fully paralyzed (from head to toes) people  like Stephen Hawkins has become  a great scientist.  Yes, But you have the freedom to dwell on your inadequacies to your own peril.  

How do we select a partner?

 “Why do we feel attracted to someone at first sight?   You do not know him/her or the background, family religion, views, likes, dislikes qualifications, job status, nothing. All the same you just felt attracted instantly. Need not be a ‘thunderbolt love’, but some unknown strings pull you to him/her. Sometimes you feel like you have made a connection. You looked at this one person out of the entire people assembled there and thought, wow! This person is made for me!”

 In countries like India dating or living together before marriage is unthinkable and consent for marriage is very much based on the first-sight- impression and a few words exchanged largely in the presence of the elders. . (Even in societies where free-mingling is an accepted norm, the first liking always happen in an identical fashion which leads to a relationship later.)    

 When you meet a group, you like some of them; you dislike a few others and a third category does not evoke any particular emotion in you. Dressing, appearance, body physiology and grooming do differentiate them, but that may not be the real reason that has brought these reactions in your mind.  

You instantly like one who has similar features to someone who was dear to you during your infancy and early childhood (these features are all indelibly inscribed in your subconscious mind.)   Further, from your life experiences you have drawn a list of the nature of the characteristics (‘criteria’) like  the color of the skin, height, weight, facial appearance, hair, body profile, body language and communication ) that strongly appeal to your mind.  If you find these criteria and the features  in a particular person you tend to like him. This is universal, and it has no east west or south north divide   

This is an unconscious process and it does not result from any objective study of the person in question.  The first attraction will create a lasting mental bias towards him or her and unless conscious efforts are later undertaken to correct the same., you are positively inclined to the one who matches with your map and criteria of the ideal person and negatively inclined to another who is a mismatch.   There is no effort made to study whether your views, outlook on life, emotions and others are compatible.  The strong sexual attraction conveniently hides the differences and you become passionately involved. An impartial assessment of one’s nature and personality is very difficult. The real colors will surface only after the consummation of marriage and  no wonder half of all marriages end up in divorce.   

Why do we fail?

 Life is what you make it, good or bad, rich or poor, famous or mediocre, happy or unhappy. But in my experience, winning isn't about being rich, or having everything. It's about meeting your own goals, and living whichever way makes you happy. Why the majority  do not succeed? They never know what they want. Without knowing what one wants how can one get it? They do not have specific, time bound goals. Too many goals will have the same effect as having none. Vagueness or general wishes is not going to help. "I want to go up," " I will make a lot of money," " I will win in life……" all these are vague and mostly meaningless statements. 

There are many who set a specific time bound goals or decide what they wants to get precisely but they  never start or take even the first step. Things seem too hard for them and they just remain in their comfort zone. If you are stuck at the first step itself, get moving. The only reason you haven’t acted yet could be that you find it difficult to overcome the inertia, or you do not want to move out of your comfort zones. You could be afraid of failing or you may be thinking what others will think if you fail.  No one has succeeded without failing. If you do not start there may not be any failure but you will never succeed too.  Do not be afraid of what others will say; the only people who matter in your life are your dear ones and they already know you aren't perfect and that even if you fail they will accept you. The sad part is those who do not take that first step or retract after a few steps start believing they never can achieve it and forget about the whole thing. 

There are people who blame others for their failures. Stop blaming yourself or anyone else. If something negative happens or has already happened, life is still in your hands.  Let us not forget this; let us not be overwhelmed by the stress of failure or set-backs.   Do not forget you are not the only person in the world with problems. The pain of failure,  loss and regret is something a lot of people feel daily. There are those who fail due to the lack of a realistic plan. They started in right earnest and went ahead but failed as there was no concrete, realistic plan to lead them to their goal.  They give up after trying hard or when they face a difficult challenge or a temporary setback. Absence of review and corrective actions is will seal your fate.  At the end of a particular period there should be evidences of advancement. 

The absence of mentoring or a quality coach can be detrimental too.  You have to acquire all the necessary skill and knowledge about your goals, update yourself of the latest developments and seek expert advice whenever required. There is no use in looking back and trying to correct yourself; you would have already reached a point of no-return. Failure is only a potential feedback. There is nothing called failure unless you mentally accept it. Everyone fails; those who succeed take it as a feedback, analyse the reasons and take corrective steps. Hear  what the great Edison speaks about failures: Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ….  When you are ready to quit you may be closer to the success you have been dreaming than you ever was.”  

A tiny achievement of a poor boy

The other day when I was in the midst of seminar, at the peak of the motivation I was giving to those assembled there, someone asked me: Who has inspired you most?  Without a moment’s hesitation I replied: “my mother.”  She had worked hard to see that her 7 children did not die of starvation or diseases. Without her hard work I would have been dead and gone long back.

We were so poor that I had to work when I was five. I had to complete weaving one bamboo mat before I could be free in the evening. There was no square meal any day (except on festivals) and we were hungry, emaciated and half naked. My mother would work from dawn to dusk weaving bamboos at the same time looking after all the 7 of us, feeding us whatever little she could afford and getting us rustic medical aids whenever we were sick or in trouble. There were times when I longed for 1 cent to buy a sweet. How hard I had wished for 5 cents (when I was in the fifth grade) to watch a circus show arranged in the school! There were times I would wait for an ordinary Marigold flower at the gate of my class mate’s house.  (As I was very poor I never felt like entering the house and he never invited me in) 

Every day I worked and worked and went to school  hungry. I passed matriculation without knowing one English sentence correctly. Envying those who knew the language well, I vowed that I would master the language. As my family could not afford to send me to college, I sought the help of my parish priest who admitted me into the petit seminary for ecclesiastical studies. It was a god-given opportunity for me as we aspirants had to converse either in English or Latin. I started devouring English words and phrases like a lover. I used to read anything I could lay hands upon, noting down every beautiful word and phrase. 

I would write down ten difficult words every day in a piece of paper to study and to commit them to memory on the way to the urinal or on the way back from the dining hall. I would sit glued to the old radio in the study hall to hear news from BBC.  As I wanted to develop the correct accent, it was important to listen to English spoken best. This practice continued for years. Even while I convalesced in the infirmary, I used to devote my entire time (there was a lot of it as I did not have to go for mass, classes and prayers) to improve the language.

 I started writing one page a day (at the advice of my  seminary rector who found a streak of writing talent in me) starting with simple topics like ‘my mother’, ‘my father’, ‘my school’, ‘my village’ and so on. In about three to four years what I had written in loose paper was enough to fill 5 volumes or more. I appropriated difficult words and phrases by using them in sentences of my own and even in the conversations I had with the fellow aspirants. I was rather obsessed with the study of the language and in a few years I was quite good at it. Words would cascade down in an incessant flow and I had developed a style of my own (These days, as I do not pursue ‘everyday a page’ writing habit, I feel I have lost a lot of the sheen of writing I had so painstakingly developed). But even today I am very comfortable with English and I can continue speaking to an audience for a full day or two uninterruptedly and in good command as I do in my seminars in India and abroad. .

The Beauty of giving

The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.” Albert Einstein

Life has taught me a great lesson: the beauty in giving. The greatest souls that have grazed this planet are those who gave themselves up for others fully and unconditionally. Let it be Mother Teresa, Father Damien, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. or Abraham Lincoln……they surpassed all living souls with their selfless service to the needy.  There are thousand on this planet today who give  their money, time and or  hard   work to make their fellow men’s life less painful or more comfortable.  

 Winston Churchill once said,   “We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give”                                      

Our lives will be very much less fruitful if we are not giving what we have to others. It can be motivation, knowledge riches, time, comforting words; it can be anything that alleviates others’ pain or something that make others’ life richer and more meaningful.  This life is a gift to us and we should remember we have a responsibility to give back something.  It is, perhaps, this realization that motivates the rich to give significant portions of their wealth to the poor and many common people to help the poor, the needy whatever way they can.  

I am not good in this great virtue and this could be the reason why I extol the virtues of giving often enough and with enough conviction so that it will encourage me and others to take the practice of generosity more seriously. I have noted that all great leaders and thinkers of history have opted for selfless lives. I also remember very often the ancient Chinese saying,  'a little fragrance always clings to the hand that gives roses.’

 Those who have the attitude, ‘May I serve you,’ enjoy life far better than those who are constantly after material possessions, power or professional advancement.  Hence learning to give is a great success secret

Give little get abundance

Let me state a great secret to become richer: start giving a portion of what you earn or what you posses. What goes out comes back. Selfless giving ensures manifold return.  All the rich people of this planet are inclined to help others.  And that could be one of the reasons why they become richer. They get back what was given out, in true charity, hundredfold.  Giving is a sure way to receive more. 

   

Blessed are those who can give without remembering. That could be why our present world is getting filled with those who want to give without any string attached. They are quick to part with a part of what they have earned as they know giving has a superior value when one does so quickly and not waiting for to be asked.                                                                                                                                                                                   The best way you can evaluate a person is by how much he gives and by how much he feels for others in his wallet. Giving is always a thermometer of one’s love towards others. When it comes to giving some people stop at nothing. ‘Give all you can,’ is an excellent formula for a successful life.  living for others is the best way to live. That could be why Henry Drummond once said, ‘there is true happiness only in giving.’ Before we conclude let me remind you  Arthur Schweitzer’s words:   “ There is no higher religion than human service. To work for the common good is the greatest creed.”

Warren Buffet has so far given in excess of $30.7 billion to healthcare, to alleviate extreme poverty, for education and for access to information technology. Bill gates through Bill and Melinda Gates foundation has doled out close to 34 billion so far  mainly to the development of education and AIDS prevention. Azim Premji from India has donated  in excess of $2 billion for education and healthcare.  Every rich man is known for a charitable frame of mind (that could be one of the reasons for their immense wealth--what goes out comes back many fold it seems.                                                                                                                                                                 All of us may not have the wealth, the time to do charity in a massive scale. Let us follow the advice of  

Mother Teresa: “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”