Lessen Worry; Become Merry

A newly-wed girl started weeping profusely without waking up from bed in the morning. Her mother asked why she was crying. “May be someday my husband would be going in a ship- he told me  yesterday he loves sea-travel- and it may meet with an accident and drown and he will die.”                

Well, this may look unreasonable.  She is weeping over an imagined situation which may never come to pass. But we all do this sort of things very often: we blow up something that may never come to pass and worry.  And  we know worry will strangle or choke us off. 

Many of us feel we do something only when we worry.   A day of worrying is exhausting, harder than work.  It leads nowhere; analysing an imagined event threadbare makes your body and mind simply paralysed. 

People waste their lives  stuck in a state of constant worry. They worry about their children's poor grades, future, work, about the attitude of the boss, relationships with others, diseases,  enemies, travel, the leak that has been developed in the roof……..

Worrying is a help if it makes you to take action, to solve a problem, avoid bad things or prepare you for the worst.  But that rarely happens and in mostly worry becomes a problem of its own. Some of us even worry about worrying too.  Worry induces fears and sends one’s anxiety levels soaring which interfere with one’s day-today life. It is normally a habit and this can be overcome by training your brain to look at life from a better perspective.  The greatest comforting thought is that almost everyone worries-- great leaders, painters, singers, authors, rich, poor, all.

I have heard about an old lady who worried all day long. But her real worry starts by the sunset. She worries just about anything and everything and the funniest thing is that none of her worries has ever materialized. Studies done on worry show that more than 95 percent of them never happen. And the remaining will happen whether you worry or not. So why worry at all?

Worry really burns us off while we are alive just like a pyre burns off a dead body. Let us cross the bridge when we come to it. Why should we fret over it from afar?

Worry does not help tomorrow’s problems in any way and the sad part is that it takes away today’s happiness. When we worry about the future, we are destroying the future itself. Worrying does not help anyone; still, many find it hard to stop it.   

Worry comes uninvited and most of us feel it is not within our control to get away from this nagging problem. They rob you of the ability to laugh, love and share joy with your dear ones.

Is there no way to control the same or at least mitigate its debilitating effects? Constant worrying takes a heavy toll as it gives sleepless nights and makes your days edgy and confused. You may even believe that constant worrying will lead to diseases or that it may drive you crazy.   

Well, if you sit and worry when it takes possession of your mind, it will bother you more and smother your faculties.  Worrying rarely leads to solutions.  You’re no more prepared to deal with them should they actually happen no matter how much time you spend brooding over even the worst case scenarios.

Distraction could be a way of escape; do something that can absorb you fully like engaging in your hobby, playing with your children, enjoying a warm bath, watching a hilarious movie, talking to someone you love, taking a walk in a quiet beautiful place, hearing a song you love, reading a book you cherished all along or playing your favorite game. But this is no permanent solution it will only lessen the tension worry induces.  

But remember that telling yourself to stop worrying does not help in the long run. Your suppression of anxious thoughts makes them stronger and more persistent over a longer period.

Why not assign a period for worrying every day? Half an hour you sit for ‘worrying’.  Follow the same place and time for worry: earmark say, 5.30pm in the bedroom. During this ‘worry period’ you can worry about anything and everything but the rest of the day must be free of it. If worry thoughts prop up in between assign it for the worry time when you can indulge in it to your heart’s content. Making a worry list for the worry time is found to be helpful too. Postponing worry helps as it breaks the habit of dwelling on any worry that props up then and there. Slowly you get more control on the worrying habit.

Even deep, slow breathing and exhaling will calm you down and reduce the intensity of worry.  While relaxed thus, focus on what you can do t o solve the problem rather than what you cannot do. 

There is a very practical way to get rid of the tension from worry:  relax your muscles. Take each limb of your body and hold it tight while you count up to 5.  Release the tension and move it slowly sideways saying to yourself, relax, relax, relax. Start with your legs, then the buttocks, backside, neck, forehead, eyes, mouth, chest, stomach and hands. If you have relaxed each muscle in your body the tension induced by the worry would have melted away.

Have you heard the old saying, ‘an optimist laughs to forget and the pessimist forgets to laugh?’ It is very much true. The only paradox is: there are more pessimists. We are all holding our facial muscles taut and we do not let them ease out for a moment nor relax them in a smile which will guarantee a better appearance. Smiling is an anti-dot for worry too. Worry cannot reside in a person who keeps a smile. A good laugh is the medicine. If you frown, you worry more.       

Make sure you do not get caught up in a worry cycle. We worry about something now. When  it eases off but another worry crops up and when this one fades away a third is waiting to enter.

Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more predictable or keep off bad things from happening. It is not possible to be certain about everything in the future. What is the need to be certain about? Let there be some uncertainty. Why should we predict bad things when the possibility for a bad occurrence is very every low?

The myth of UFOs

Some North Americans believed, and may be believing even now, in flying saucers. A few percentage of them thought that extra terrestrial beings are on a war-path with us here on the Earth. As we all know extra terrestrial life is still not fully explored. It is the other day that an earth like planet, Kepler22b, was discovered about 600 million light years away! No life has been traced anywhere else so far. Light travels at 300,000 kilometres a second and it is impossible for any being out there to reach us here even in 4.25 light years(4.2x365x24x60x60 kilometers), about the distance of the nearest star, Proxima Centauri to us, leave alone 600 million light years!  How did then the belief in flying saucers arise and get deep rooted?

It is all very simple. How do people believe in a particular religion, however unreasonable it is? Parents and early childhood environment condition our minds to believe. Otherwise, how can a vast majority of the children born to Islam believe in it, those born to Christians believe in Christianity or still others born to atheists believe in atheism? It may not be the truth or falsehood of the faith but the programming kids get from infancy. The brain is very fertile and any seed sown in there will germinate and grow to maturity.

How do you think people adhere to communism which has proven, beyond any doubt, that it will retard human progress and make people's lives more miserable? How do you think people believe in the Bible postulate that we are sinners due to a simple disobedience of the first people who lived more than 4000 years back? It is simply a belief and beliefs defy logic. Chaste Buddhism is atheistic; there are millions who believe in it and they are not called atheists or condemned for that. It is all a matter of the popular perception.

Truth has no meaning or significance in this context.

Now coming to the American belief, it all started with the Nazis sending flat planes to attack their enemies. many of them were drowned. In 1959 a convoy of military trucks carrying a real life flying saucer was transferred by the Canadians to the Americans in secrecy. The skies over the United States were swarming with unidentified flying objects during the early 1950s. US military leaders were skeptical that the blobs of light were piloted by moon-men or Martians. There was a possibility that the blob-occupants were Russian-speaking. There had long been credible rumors, as mentioned before, of secret Nazi “flying disk” attack planes developed in the final months of the Third Reich and it could be possible that the Russians had copied the technology. 

The United States  started flying saucer technology in 1953 and a flat, wedge-shaped theoretical aircraft intended to lift off vertically like a helicopter with the speed, agility, and high-altitude capabilities of a jet fighter was being tested. A rudimentary version of Frost’s ( a pioneer in the technology) flying saucer slowly materialized over the following months. In 1958 Frost approached his military investors with a revised concept. This new layout was more compact, eighteen feet in diameter, less complex with three jet engines. Frost calculated that his team’s prototype would be capable of reaching 250 miles per hour, 10,000 feet in altitude, and 130 miles in range. The Special Projects Group packed  it to NASA for testing. The test failed and frost started new experiments. But the whole thing was abandoned later by the American government. Enough hype was already created that the American mothers started talking about flying saucers for a long time to come. Today more Americans believe in flying objects than any other nationality. It is only a belief and we believe something because it has no rational foundation.
 

 While a small percentage of UFO remain unexplained (there are a number reasons for the same), the majority are later identified as various natural phenomenon or man-made objects. UFO has generally become synonymous with alien spacecraft! See how far human imagination can carry things to! Americans, like others in the world,  has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or that an extraterrestrial presence has contacted us in any manner. UFO observations are misidentified conventional objects or natural phenomenon like common aircraft, balloons, certain clouds, meteors or bright planets. a small percentage even being hoaxes. The world scientific community does not feel it deserves a further investigation at all. Look, how far can certain believes take us to! 

What are you now?

Many thinkers stress that we make what we are. That we are totally free to grow and develop.
But do we have the same opportunities, the same  IQ, and emotional level?
Does one's early childhood affect one's growth?
French philosopher Rousseau said all are free and equal. Are we that equal?
There are many born blind, crippled, deaf, mute and feeble minded or with the propensities for sicknesses and mental disorders including madness.
A child born in a nation like USA, UK,Germany Norway, Sweden or Australia have millions of times better inopportuneness to develop and grow than one from Somalia, Ethiopia , Bangladesh or India. The latter may not even survive childhood. They will not go to school and will be malnourished and sick.
One's biology, the structure of the grey matter (both inherited)  and early childhood experiences  do affect one's responses and behaviour. Success very much depends on one's EQ and EI which, in turn, are nurtured in the early days of one's life.  If  parents do not love you or if they fight all the time leaving you to fend for yourself, you will not develop like another one who is loved,, accepted and given proper care.  The home environment has a say in determining how you grow, keep your relationships, interact with others and meet life's challenges. Parents and home make your personality, complexes (inferiority, superiority or any other), security or insecurity, emotional stability or instability and decide the patterns of social interaction. The inherited biology (of the grey matter) and home environment draw a clear blue print for your life. As there are billions of permutations and combinations in what one gets though the genes and the types of homes, each individual has a totally different potency to develop and grow or fail.
In an ideal condition, one gets a good physique, an above average or high IQ, good biology and brain structure coupled with well settled, loving parents in a good social set-up. Contrast this with a poor child born with a low IQ in a slum to quarrelling parents!
Think about yourself and see how your lineage and home environment have influenced your life.
Why are most people average or failures? The majority have a poor  IQ, EQ, and SI(social intelligence) and they lack the material means to thrive.  

How many have the persistence like Edison, Colonel Sanders, Henri Ford  or the will of Nelson Mandela, Gandhi or Martin Luther King?
How many can overcome failures like Abraham Lincoln,? How many of us can challenge adversities like Helen Keller?
How many will dare like Mark Ingles (a double amputee who scaled Mount Everest)?
How many of us has the IQ of Albert Einstein?
How many can sing like Jim Reeves or Michael Jackson?
How many can paint like Picasso or Michael Angelo?
How many has the bodily adornments of Elizabeth Taylor, Britney Spears or Brad Pitt?
The great ones seems to be more born than made.
We need not be envious of those who are lucky (they did not ask for it) or lie down licking our wounds. The world is not bothered whether you were born poor or rich, with high or low IQ, in a home of love or strife. It wants you to win; it goes with the winners only. No arguments please. No questions entertained. That is how the game of life is played.
Who wants to know your history? The world does not want to know where you plan to reach.What are you now? That is all what counts. If you don't want to come up that is your problem. There might be some  limits for you but you can, by sheer work, reach at least the top of that limit.

The end of Life

.         I knew from my very young days that we will have to die once. When I was 15,  I was afraid that I would be dying very soon.  Later, I understood that all living and non-living things are doomed to go. The Sun, the Earth, planets, Milky Way galaxy and the Universe will all have to end. The Sun, which looks mighty now, is dying gradually. It converts 5 million tons of hydrogen into helium through atomic fusion every second to shine as it does now. After 5 billion years the fuel will all be spent up and it will then swell up to a red giant star engulfing Mercury and Venus.   Astronomers even think it will swallow up the Earth too.  Even if the Earth survives, the intense heat from the red Sun will scorch our planet and make it completely impossible for life to survive. The Sun will still have enough heat and pressure at its core to begin another type of fusion, burning helium this time to carbon. When the helium runs out, the Sun won’t have enough gravity to keep the core temperature high to burn carbon. At this point, the Sun will blow out off its outer layers. The dying core of the Sun will become an Earth-sized object of carbon and oxygen called a white dwarf. It will slowly cool off over billions of years, eventually reaching the temperature of the Universe. It will then turn into a black dwarf and the Sun’s death will be complete.

The life on our planet Earth is totally dependent on the sequences of the Sun. But will the planet live as long as its Sun does? Not probably. It is almost certain that planet Earth will die much before. As soon as the Sun becomes a red giant it may swallow up the Earth or melt it to a slag. It could be a few billion years before the final death of the Sun.  

But what about life supported by this planet? Can it survive as long as the planet? Again it is an emphatic no. It would  have disappeared millions of years ahead.  When the heat from the Sun becomes unbearable life here simply vanishes.

But will humans survive until then?. Human life here will probably end up much before the fiery end of the planet Earth. As the Sun heats up, (already its heat is 30% more than that at its beginning) and expands, the atmosphere will disappear, the oceans will evaporate and life will end once and for all.

Yet again will we last that far (it is a few billion years from now). Not at all.  

The earth is subjected to certain cycles. We are into an ice age now. At present its pace is very slightly put on hold by the rapid increase in the carbon dioxide emissions due to human activity.  But the ice will slowly advance and the human civilization will end up with the next glacial phase five million years from now. After the ice age a supercontinent will again be formed and with the accompanying climatic changes complex life forms will end. The last vicissitudes of life will be obliterated with the sun becoming a red giant. Complex life will then be finished not only on the earth but in a vast section of the Milky Galaxy, if not the entire universe.   

 Is there a possibility for the humans to escape into the outer space? Well, yes if we succeed in establishing huge bases in the Moon or in the Mars. We will have to transport huge quantities of air, water, hospitals, food and sufficient numbers to stay for a prolonged period (over half a million years?) just to escape the incoming ice age. But as the sun heats up beyond life’s endurance levels everything will end. Even simple single-celled organisms cannot survive. Life is over once and for all.  An eternal darkness descends. There is no question of an escape as the whole solar system and much beyond would be scorched up. 

Experiences in the seminary

I was happy to be in the minor seminary for two reasons: There was  enough food and we could play a number of games during the intervals. But the rector was a stumbling block in eating enough and in playing to my heart's content. In the refectory, we were seated in a row and more food was served at the first seats(that of the prefect, procurator, and their deputies who managed the servants) and the quantity dwindled in proportion to the distance from the head of the table. As I was towards the end of the row, our plates would be half empty. Our rector, Father Joseph Panappilly would be around for breakfast, lunch and dinner inspecting how much we ate.He had some chronic stomach ailment (he was frail and thin) and he could nor eat much. He did not want us to eat either. If I asked for another serving he would stare at me and in a few days I learnt to end up (breakfast, lunch and dinner) half-way and rose up  half empty to avoid his stare and displeasure.

There  were other problems too. The seniors teased and mocked  us whenever they could. I joined late as I had my leg problem and the entire ire of the whole lot of them focused on me. My belongings were substandard and cheap.  Many of the seniors used to look at them and smile sarcastically. During the recreation time they would swarm around me, ridicule and make fun of me so severely that I was on the verge of crying on many a day. Thomas Narikulam, was a tall, fair and handsome guy liked by the  rector and the bishop.  He made my life an ordeal. My head has a small backward elongation and he would hold the portion with his long fingers teasingly whenever he happened to be near me . This was most irritating in the chapel where we assembled for prayers. If he was behind me he would hold there (he was supposed to be praying) and giggle. He knew I would be sad and irritated; he enjoyed it with sadistic pleasure. With all his mischievous acts he knew how to be in the good books of the rector and the bishop. (He had the looks of course). He would come earliest into the chapel after waking up. After each lecture or study hour he would run to pray; he knew our rector would be observing everyone. He was average in studies but they all liked him so much that he was sent to Rome for higher studies! I heard later that he had a chance to become a bishop!
There was another guy who made my life a hell too. He knew how to rag me to tears. He is now a renowned priest managing a parish a hospital and a school. This guy was also tall and fair and in the good books of the rector.  I had noticed that  the rector liked fair and good-looking aspirants from better families. The dark, not-so-good-looking ones were always in the bad books.  

A priest demolishes an old, strong church of architectural beauty...........

 I was very much involved with my parish while I was an youngster and many events are still fresh in my memory.  Our church was more than 100 years old. In the late 1970s a young enterprising priest who had the reputation of having rebuilt two old churches, became the new vicar. There were stories that he amassed  wealth in the process and made his relatives rich. Our parish had 910 or so families and they were mostly poor who eked a living by weaving bamboos. About 10 of them could be considered rich and another 20 above poverty line.
The priest was a shrewd guy with lots of energy. During his powerful sermons he ignited the imagination of the poor faithful with the idea of a new modern church.
" This old dilapidating church does not befit you. You deserve a modern church the neighbouring parishes will be envious of. " The old tiled, vaulted church made of heavy timber sections and solid walls could stand another 100 years and there was a strong possibility for it to be considered as a heritage site. But the imagination of the poor faithful were set on fire with the eloquence of the priest and nothing would stop them from having the dream structure they 'deserved' in place of the old. The parish council  simply echoed the wishes of the priest. Rebuilding a new church became the need of the people far more than that of the priest. There were feeble protests about each one's share of the contribution but it was drowned in the overwhelming yes votes. The share of money,  rice, coconuts, bamboo mats, banana, et all to be donated by each family on a weekly basis was decided and volunteer groups of ladies were formed to collect and bring them. The farm produce and rice were auctioned every Sunday and all the cash handed over to the priest. The poor felt they were part of an apocalyptic event  although they had to borrow or starve to set apart their share of weekly contributions.    
The dismantling of the old church began next week itself. . It was all free work done by the people. Some contractor had given the climbing equipment and tools free for the 'holy' work. The priest was adept in getting free help from every quarter in the name of god. But he did not forget to record the cost of each item 'hired' and the Labor charges of 'experts' needed for the demolition. He knew from his previous experience that the vastly uneducated, poor, village folk would never verify his accounts or question him at a later date. After all he was working so 'hard' for rebuilding their own church. Donations were pouring in from far and wide and the priest had a winning smile as collection swelled.
The plan for the church was drawn mostly free of charge by an architect. Sand was taken from the river that flowed by the church compound again by 'free labour by the parishioners', stones were donated by a large contractor and the work progressed without much expenditure. The priest did buy a few items like cement, reinforcing bars, timber for doors and metal for windows and engaged a contractor to do the concreting and steel works. He made the architect incorporate a big dome above the altar ensuring a lot of publicity for the same through the media, church sermons and orally. It was a clever move to raise funds.  The old church's bell tower and a few other structures were untouched to reduce the cost of construction. The priest knew how to spend less and keep accounts to his convenience.
 As the construction progressed, the priest went abroad to get donations from Italy, Europe and USA for the 'noble cause.' He would visit the holy land also. After a month and he returned with  some cash, but not much ( nobody knows how much he collected from the good people there) and he also bought sacks of sand from the holy land (nobody knows from where he collected it)  to sell it for good money for the great cause.

It took two years for the structure to be completed and the poor became poorer and thinner and the priest  fatter and richer. When it was done it did not have window panes and the floor and the walls were unfinished.  There was a big dome and a large hall with a concrete roof and a big cross with Jesus hanging, built with the sweat and the blood of the poor. The more emaciated, haggard-looking people prayed in the unfinished hall in place of a stronger and more valuable old structure. As his mission was accomplished, the priest went to another parish with an old church and he started igniting the imagination of the faithful there of the need of a big new church  they 'deserved.'       

Let priests marry and enjoy life

When I was a little more than a boy, a priest was caught red-handed in the house of a widowed lady, in our neighboring parish around midnight. Someone had seen him entering the house who made a big commotion and villagers apprehended the chaste white-robed guy. The whole thing was hushed up immediately. I have also heard reports of priests fathering children. Three priests eloped with women from parishes close to ours whom they married after they were deconsecrated as priests.       

There was a famous murder case in which a priest was reported to have had raped and killed a beautiful woman. There has been a number of such cases ever since. I have noticed that priests always behave nicer to women and there is a sparkle in their eyes if beautiful women are around.  I have witnessed a guy slapping our parish priest for misbehaving to ladies.

Just the other day I was reading about both gay and straight catholic priests enjoying  the sexual opportunities offered by Rome’s nightlife.  ‘Both the types take full advantage o f it’ says Carmelo Abbate an Italian journalist in his new book,   “Sex and the Vatican: A Secret Journey in the Reign of the Chaste” He has taken his conclusion from his interviews with priests and his undercover reporting. According to a news release from the book’s publisher, Piemme, Abbate, “priests of all nationalities divide their time between Via della Conciliazione [the main road leading to St. Peter’s Basilica] and the party scene of Rome by night.”

This may not be the only place where priests look for nocturnal pleasures. Nightlife is not confined to Rome. It is there everywhere in the west and the ‘starving’ priests cannot be blamed if they resort to their services.

 The history of the church is blemished with the sexual promiscuity of priests, bishops and even a  pope or two (during the Middle Ages) who used to keep cohorts and who made their illicit offspring the heir to their thrones. The Church was then immensely rich and was the biggest land-lord; they had both temporal and spiritual power. Sexual corruption was bound to happen.  I have often wondered as a boy and as an adult why Catholic priests are not allowed to marry. Sex is the most natural expression of life. God made his favourite creation man and woman and He  instilled in them the urge to mate.

The hate of women starts with the story of the original sin. The genesis story and later commentaries simply hate women.  It was St. Augustine, the bishop of Hippo, who popularized the concept of original sin.  The sin of Adam and Eve, he argued, has been passed down intact to every member of the human race, and it is, he maintained, transmitted through the semen produced during the sexual intercourse. 

St. Augustine equated sex with sin, the greatest blunder. In the Bible, there are relatively few places that even mention sex being sinful. Only two parts of the Bible really point to this, and they are: the sixth commandment: "Thou shall not commit adultery," and the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Most people  believe that the Bible would be the book that states sex is a sin. But it is not.  Bible is sex-friendly. Please read through the narrations of the OLd Testament and you will realize it.  

Northern Ireland’s Bishop Edward Daly is trying to get the Catholic Church to accept married priests, mostly because it would boost dwindling numbers of new priests. 

How did the tradition of celibacy arise? Christianity grew out of Judaism which has no such restriction placed on its rabbis. The Church may be thought that  Celibacy would focus the priest’s energy on his work more There is no evidence at all that compulsory celibacy results in a higher output of work.  The married priests of the Church of England or those of the Malankara church who converted into Catholicism discharge their duties well. On the other hand, sexual frustration has a negative impact on focusing on anything.

May be the Church didn’t want to bear the financial burden of the upkeep of a priest’s family. Or, it could be an unintentional result of an early restriction in the Church that people attending Communion were to fast and abstain from sex from midnight before. In early days of the Christian sects, meetings like this were held monthly, but once the ritual became a daily event marriage became a non-viable option for priests. Why should the poor priests suffer due to a tradition which has no relevance today? Let those guys who are dysfunctional sexually keep the celibacy vow. Not those who have flesh and blood and are heterosexually inclined.