Monday, February 27, 2012

How do we select a partner?

 “Why do we feel attracted to someone at first sight?   You do not know him/her or the background, family religion, views, likes, dislikes qualifications, job status, nothing. All the same you just felt attracted instantly. Need not be a ‘thunderbolt love’, but some unknown strings pull you to him/her. Sometimes you feel like you have made a connection. You looked at this one person out of the entire people assembled there and thought, wow! This person is made for me!”
 In countries like India dating or living together before marriage is unthinkable and consent for marriage is very much based on the first-sight- impression and a few words exchanged largely in the presence of the elders. . (Even in societies where free-mingling is an accepted norm, the first liking always happen in an identical fashion which leads to a relationship later.)    
 When you meet a group, you like some of them; you dislike a few others and a third category does not evoke any particular emotion in you. Dressing, appearance, body physiology and grooming do differentiate them, but that may not be the real reason that has brought these reactions in your mind.  
You instantly like one who has similar features to someone who was dear to you during your infancy and early childhood (these features are all indelibly inscribed in your subconscious mind.)   Further, from your life experiences you have drawn a list of the nature of the characteristics (‘criteria’) like  the color of the skin, height, weight, facial appearance, hair, body profile, body language and communication ) that strongly appeal to your mind.  If you find these criteria and the features  in a particular person you tend to like him. This is universal, and it has no east west or south north divide   
This is an unconscious process and it does not result from any objective study of the person in question.  The first attraction will create a lasting mental bias towards him or her and unless conscious efforts are later undertaken to correct the same., you are positively inclined to the one who matches with your map and criteria of the ideal person and negatively inclined to another who is a mismatch.   There is no effort made to study whether your views, outlook on life, emotions and others are compatible.  The strong sexual attraction conveniently hides the differences and you become passionately involved. An impartial assessment of one’s nature and personality is very difficult. The real colors will surface only after the consummation of marriage and  no wonder half of all marriages end up in divorce.   

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