Find out now whether you will be successful

Who does not want to know whether he/she would be a success or a failure?  Here is a simple test. Mark your answer to each question and see the rating down.

1.       Have you taken up (for study or job) a profession you innately love? If 1. Yes 2. No  

2.       How do you spend your free time? 1. Watching TV 2. Chatting with friends 3. Idles 4. Learns  something useful in your chosen line

3.        How many hours a day do you work and engage in activities that would help your work? 1. 6hrs. 2. 8hrs.  3. 10 hrs. 4.12 hrs or more  

4.       How many hours do you spend to update yourself in your field, or acquire a skill  in your profession? 1. One hr. 2 hrs. 3. 3 hrs 4. 4 hrs.  

5.       Do you have a definite, time- bound practical goal in your life now? Yes/NO

6.       Do you visualize from time to time having achieved your goals?  Yes/No

7.       Are you always smart in your dressing and grooming? Yes/No

8.       9. Do you move briskly all the time? Yes/No

9.       Do you sit/stand up, hold your head starlight and look up at someone you talk to? Yes/No

10.   Are you in the habit of making friends and keeping them? Yes/No

11.   Are you grateful to the universe for having given you this life? Yes/No

12.   Do you try to make your dear ones (partner/parents/children) happy? Yes/No

13.   Are you ambitious? Yes/No

14.   Do you believe you make your destiny? Yes/No

15.   Do you use your free time constructively? Yes/No

16.   Are you careful about your body: exercise and control food? Yes/No

17.   Do you think you generally exercise your brain and memory? Yes/No

18.   Are you careful in congratulating a friend who had a win? Yes/No

19.   Are you happy at this moment? Yes/No

20.   Have you developed a world view regarding the Solar System, Milky Way the Universe, this earth, , the origin of life and various sects? Yes/No   

Rating:

Give marks as follows

1.       Yes  +5 marks No: 0

2.        1-3  0 mark, 4:  +2

3.       1 0 mark 2: 0 mark 3: 2 mark, 4: 5 marks

4.       1:1 mark, 2: 2marks, 3: 3marks, 4: 5marks

5.       Yes: 5 marks No: 0 mark

6-20 Yes: 2 mark, No: 0 mark (except no 15 and 19 which carry 5 marks for Yes and 0 mark for no each)

Total Max. marks: 58

If you get 44 or more you will be  most probably a success in life

Are we blindly believing?

Have you ever thought about why you believe what you do?  Therefore are several reasons for someone to believe in a faith or a in a culture or in a political party. As people feel they cannot explain the existence or origin of say the earth, solar system, the universe and life itself (they are generally in awe of the whole thing), they believe a supernatural being created them. Long time back  we didn't know the cause of a lot of things and that is how deification of natural phenomena took place. . But today we know the cause and the origin of most of them.  But the force of habit still compels us to believe what people have believed for generations. Today, the last few remaining questions seem to be “how did the universe come to be” and “what is the origin of life”. Although there are scientific explanations, people still tend to see the hand of a supernatural power behind the same. Millions of them will be satisfied only with such an explanation.  The universe seems to be too complex, too orderly and too beautiful, to have appeared naturally. The complexity, beauty, and order are just a part of the way energy becomes matter which evolves into the various things we see here. They are not by-products of a conscious design but that is how they got evolved and came to an equilibrium state..  

People have lost the ability to question anything. The force of habit, tradition and the early childhood programming have made us accept whatever we have been made to believe, and follow our cultural traditions including our dress code and food habits. The Americans feel their culture is the best in the world. We feel theirs is not all that good and ours is the best.  As I always say people have their faith,  native tongue  and the culture of their parents, which makes all of them a  matter of chance – if you were born in a Hindu family you would be a Hindu, in a Muslim family a Moslem, in a Christian family a Christian and so on. It was a pure coincidence that you came to believe it but now you feel so sure it is the  “real” one to follow.  

You feel that your faith in something greater than yourself gives your life a meaning.  Life is meaningless, so ephemeral, so pointless and so uncertain; surely, there has to be something more, something more concrete and an afterlife would fill the vacuum.  Many people have felt the presence or the touch of a supernatural being. Feelings, emotions and sensations are subjective. When you or any one for that matter strongly believes in anything such emotional experiences are inevitably produced by the brain. There can even be unusual experiences too which make you believe in something supernatural. We all feel that life in this world is meaningless unless there’s something afterwards. No matter what you do, you die and turn to dust, what difference does it make whatever you do in your present life? So we are compelled to believe that there’s something more.

Mankind wants to believe that there will be the establishment of some kind of an absolute and perfect justice  even if only after death. That way you console yourself that a wrong doer will be punished and good guy rewarded. There is a lot of the sense of community that comes from belonging to a group. Further, a lot of people don’t want the burden and the responsibility of having to think and decide what to do by themselves; they are followers and they just like to follow what has been prescribed by a an all-knowing Being.  

You become what you picture constantly

 As the rich picture and see more wealth mentally they become richer. The poor sees poverty, wants and diseases all the time in their inner eye and they become poorer and sicker. Your mental pictures provide motivational guidance and condition your attitudes so that you will act in a guided manner to achieve the objectives you hold in your continuous and persistent thoughts. You become what you repeatedly and intensely picture.

To be effective you have to streamline your thought process and mental pictures. There is a procession of thoughts and pictures passing through your mind continuously. Unless you consciously control the flow of thoughts and pictures, unwanted thoughts and pictures will fill the mental space and your subconscious mind will be all at a loss in guiding you. This failure, in turn, will make you a big zero in life. These uncontrolled thoughts and pictures can be pleasant day-dreams or worry, anxiety, resentment, hatred emotional experiences or situations. The negative thoughts and pictures will become the source of subconscious guidance with disastrous consequences.

 Normally an average human has 70,0000  thoughts passing through his mind in quick succession. If more than 35,000 thoughts are on a single aim for a considerable period, it will be translated into reality. But If the natural mental  process goes uncontrolled no positive picture or thought gets impressed in the subconscious mind even if they prop up occasionally. But the negative pictures of guilt, anxiety, fear, worry and inferiority will predominate too. You need to stop the flow of negative emotional experiences and fear which are highly harmful to your progress and success in life.         

How to control this uncontrolled flow of thoughts and pictures? Relax your body with a few deep breaths, close your eyes and black out all pictures from your mind and fill your mental screen with darkness until your mind is relaxed. Calmly but deliberately replace the temporary darkness with bright and intense mental pictures of what you want to become. Plant constantly these mental pictures to virtually overwhelm the subconscious mind. You have to constantly hold a self image of the person you want to eventually become so that it is etched indelibly into the screen of your mind. You have to intensify the mental picture so that it will be your constant dominant thought and all your principal thinking will relate directly or indirectly to it. 

Make yours a better world!

“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order live more happily, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand. “ Woodrow Wilson  There is no point in making money and hoarding it. You cannot take it with you when you say your final adieu. We have a very short life. At the most 120 years. But on an average 80 odd years and after that there is going to be a veil of eternal darkness whether you like it not. Hence live every minute, savor every moment. Let every second become a beautiful experience. There can be worries, there can be looming problems. But at this moment you have the power to be happy or unhappy.

If your partner has not cooked good food, take it as an opportunity to eat something good from a restaurant you cherish. If there is no shirt or skirt kept ready, try another. If you feel moody go to your favorite beach; let the sun and the fragrant wind soothe your nerves. Plan a trip for today, for tomorrow and the day after. Plan to take your kids for a movie or to an amusement park or anywhere they would be happy. Buy new clothes for your family members, buy the best automobile, go to foreign lands and let everyone enjoy living.  Are you worried about money? If you have it why should you hoard it? Spend and enjoy this day which will never return. And when you spend you feel like making more of it.  Use your time and mind to make adequate money for what you want in life.

You might be sitting irritated over something when your child comes with a demand or childish prank. You will tend to get angry and spoil his/her day.  Once angry word that has passed your mouth can never be retrieved it would have caused an irreparable harm. The child goes unhappy grumbling and you become unhappy too. Why do want to make a moment unpleasant? Hold your reaction for a minute and suppressing the natural bend of mind to be angry, say a nice word, and offer a smile. If you are doing something, stop doing it and lend your ears and eyes, lend your body, lend your mind. The attentions you give will make all the difference in the world to your child.

When an aged parent comes to your side, do not feel irritated. Show warmth and concern. After all they gave all their time to you when you were young. They are the same parents now, the only difference is that they are no longer earning and they are not physically fit as they used to be. Your annoyance and eagerness to get rid of them wild make them unhappy and if such events get repeated they will stop coming to you for anything.  They will become more morose and lonely and they will start cursing their life and think of putting an end to it. In turn, knowingly or unknowingly you will feel sad and guilty. Everyone knows a feeling of hurt or guilt is very damaging to one’s body and mind. If, on the other hand, you made them happy with your time and attention you will feel fulfillment at that moment.

Change your map to change your destiny

The world looks quite rich, interesting and alright for many of us but it is dull, empty and cruel to many others. All the time the world is the same. The difference comes from the way we perceive it. Our internal maps, our personality and attitude makes the same world look diverse and opposite. If you want to see opposition you will see it, if you want opportunities you will discover them too.  It is all in your minds. The same person appears good to some, bad to others and neutral to still others. Author Herb Herb Cohen says, ‘we see things as we are.’ You see the map out there as per your internal map.  If you do not like a person in all probability you will be suspicious of anything he does. You may even find fault with whatever he does. If, on the other hand you like another one, you will like whatever he does.’  It is the way various individuals perceive one that makes the whole difference. What you see mainly depends on what you look for. There are a few who complain roses have thorns and there are so many others who adorn the colour, smell and beauty of the flower.

How you see things on the outside will very much depend upon how you are on the inside.  Anything facing us is not as important as our attitude towards it. You change your attitude and the things changes within moments.  When you are positioned correctly, right opportunity presents itself. We often see ‘insurmountable obstacles’ and absence of opportunities all the time.   The truth is even the biggest obstacle can easily be conquered if one wants to. When one door closes another one opens. But we concentrate on the closed door so much that we do not see the one that is open for us.  Expect something good strongly and that expectation will energize your brain. l sending suitable vibrations in all directions to materialize the same.  If you are pessimistic, the brain follows your command and materializes nothing. Success and failure originate in your minds.

Position yourself to receive the result you are dreaming and working for, and they will appear as if from nowhere. If, on the other hand, you believe nothing good will ever come out of it, you will be accordingly frustrated.   It all depends on whether you are ready to receive it or not or whether you are expecting the results or not.   In an experiment with professional caterpillars (so named because they have the habit of following blindly each other) the researcher Fabre placed them in a circle. For twenty hours the caterpillars dutifully followed one another in a round. Later he placed them around a saucer full of pine needles (they like it very much) and for 6 days they moved around and around and died of starvation. An abundance of food was so close by.   But they blindly followed their friends. Are you blindly following your internal maps and going after failures without actually beckoning the success that is a whisper away? Psychologists have correctly said that "when one is truly ready for a thing, it puts in its appearance."

Your Blessings

 Today you live in peace. Think about war times when lives were lost so easily, and when pain, suffering, and poverty were everywhere.  Now you have your loved ones near you. Many had lost them in war, in natural calamities and in accidents. Today you live in an age of medical breakthroughs and  communication revolution. You can talk to your dear ones abroad over the Skype instantly. In the past, remember, letters took months to arrive, if at all they did. Now you send an email and it gets delivered in seconds. Even kings in the past didn't have a fraction of the entertainment options you have  today like the television, movie, electronic games, travels, adventure tourism, just to name a few. Now you can know anything happening  anywhere instantly through the net. Years before, you had to search for a book and a few centuries before, knowledge was transmitted orally; writing had not been invented yet.  

You are blessed with friends, relatives, lover, partner, father, mother, grandparents, teachers, pets, house, garden, TV, computers, automobiles, aircrafts,  ships, trains, fridge, job, health, food, entertainments, moon, stars, rainbow, sunset, sunrise, rain, snow, nature, animals,  music, dance, night clubs, strangers and lots of love. There is really a lot to be thankful for. We are not aware of these and we take them for granted. Sometimes we need to experience a loss to appreciate the value of what we have.   Become grateful for this moment, this day.  A thankful heart is very important to our happiness. Enjoy the beauty, richness, love and opportunities that exist in life. Appreciate those who help us or give nice things to us.

Let us reframe painful or disappointing events as opportunities for doing something good.  Let people who love you know that you are grateful to them. Be thankful for what you have as you never know when it will be gone.  As an anonymous poet has sung:   If your arteries have hardened and arthritis have slowed your gait, or if your dancing days are over, or if any other condition afflicts you, think of others with more pain like the fellow in the wheel chair or the one without hands or legs, and be grateful for the use of the right arm that can write a letter, for the eyes that can savor every flower, bird and tree, for the ears that can tune in the sounds they make and above all your brain, the greatest asset. There are many who are mad, retarded or imbeciles who cannot use this wonderful faculty.   

You cannot welcome more abundance into your life until you have said to the universe truly, "Hey, thanks for all I have”. Place yourself in a better mood by being thankful. You will find you are in a much more optimistic state after you've spent a few minutes reflecting about your blessings and feeling grateful for them. Compassion and kindness will probably fill your heart.

Helen Keller was blind, deaf and mute; still she thought she was blessed and tried to cheer those who were blind. Mark Ingles, whose legs were amputated below the knee in 1982 as they were frost-bitten while stuck in a snow cave for 13 days during mountaineering, feels there is a lot left to be thankful about. He is grateful he is  alive and he conquered Mount Cook in 2002 and Mount  Everest in 2006.  And these days he is travelling around inspiring others to enjoy and appreciate this life.  If a person without both eyes, ears, vocal chords or both legs has so much to be happy about we sure can be happier and say a bigger thank you to this dear life and the universe which gave birth to us.  

Say a big Thank you

Are we counting more on our blessings or shortcomings?                                                                                                          A lot of us are always in a complaint mode. We don’t have this, we don’t have that.  We did not get a university education, we did not inherit wealth, we did not inherit a great talent. well, we have a lot to complain about.

Let us assume whatever you complain is true. Still, what is the use of complaining?  Nothing is going to change. There are some who are born rich, famous or talented; there are others who are beautiful or athletic. But there are those who are born poor, blind, deaf, crippled, retarded or mad. No one can stop this. That is the way the game of life is played down here. Inequality is a law of life.

Those who are born rich and famous did not ask for them. They simply got birth in rich or famous families. It is not their fault that they are lucky.   You are in no way unlucky. There must be enough blessings around and inside, you are not aware of. If you stop and look around, you will be amazed at the good things you have. Be grateful for what you have and not regret what you do not have.  There is no point in doing so. Nobody is interested in your wants and deprivations, in your pains and failures.

In my late teens I had the dirty habit of talking about my family’s poverty and wants to anyone I met. I hoped to evoke a bit of sympathy and through it manage to get some financial assistance. Before long I knew they hated and tried to avoid me because of what I told them.  The world is not interested in your problems. People want to associate with those who are promising, who have something good to talk about.

However poor or unlucky you are, you will be better off than many others. You will realize it If you compare yourself to the less fortunate. You the reader are blessed in so many special ways. You are probably an educated and normal individual (who can walk, read, think, talk, hear, sense) who is healthy with a family and a steady income. There will be a few more things you would love to possess. But as Vernon Luchies said, “If we get everything we want we will soon want nothing we get.”  Savor what we already have: our health, our senses, our education, our money, our family, children, friends.  If we don’t enjoy what we already have how could we be happier with more? Maxim Gorky  once remarked: “Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but you let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.”

  You have been sufficiently blessed but still you lack a grateful heart. Ungrateful people cannot develop happiness easily. To be happy a person one should be grateful for what he has, forget his unpleasant past and stop worrying about future.  Take some time off to reflect on all that you have. This world of yours is amazing and you must be happy you are alive now. Those who are grateful for what they already have usually get much more. Or the more you complain the less you get. Don’t fall into the rut of complaining and ruining your life. Complainers attract other complainers who are unwanted anywhere and together they make life a hell.

We need to be especially grateful for having obtained our life in this advanced times (suppose you were born 10,000 years ago! You would not have probably outlived your childhood.  You would have been always on the run for food. Wild animals scared you so much and you were running to protect yourself. There was no cure for the inherited or acquired illnesses. Disease germs and viruses haunted you to death.  You had to use your legs for transporting yourself. You would not have enjoyed the comfort of a home or cooked food. Average life span was less than 15 and you were a primitive hunter- gatherer. Natural disasters and epidemics used to destroy entire herds of you.

Today we have everything. Life has become so very easy and comfortable. Diseases are under control and every source of happiness is open to us. We enjoy the freedom to advance in life by amassing wealth, knowledge or anything we dream of. There is a lot to be grateful about which we take for granted and forget to be appreciative of. Overcome this by dedicating sometime to be thankful to the universe maintaining an attitude of gratitude. 

How to achieve a goal?

A new year is on  and may  be you want to set a goal and achieve the same. First of all let the goal be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant to your situation, realistic and time-bound.  Set your practical goal well beyond what you think you can accomplish.  Write it down in the present tense and the reasons for wanting it.   Writing reinforces thoughts and gives more power to your intentions. Write down too how you would be feeling after achieving it. Also bring to your mind all the past achievements including even your  small wins.  Do list down all your personal strengths that will help you in achieving it.  Decide to analyze your past mistakes and learn from them. Record your goal in an index card and review them twice each day: once just before sleeping and once just after waking up. Once you have set the goal, think about what you can do to accomplish your goal and stay focused on track.   Suppose you want to become the GM of your corporation, list down all your plus points that will propel you to that position. From now to the time limit you have set to achieve the target, note down what you want to achieve at each interval of time.

We all set goals and start in right earnest. But the procrastinator in us fails us.  Hence work towards your goal each day; ask yourself, ‘what can I do today to get one step, however small, closer to achieving my goal?’ Do not lose focus and believe in yourself regardless of how others think. If there are different ways to reach your goal note them down too. ‘I will save 5000 bucks each month’ to buy a million dollar house after 10 years or ‘I will reduce my weight by a Kg a month’ to shed off 10 kg in an year.  Fix deadlines for each step and do not give scope for procrastinating. Close your eyes and visualize your goals as already achieved. Do this often.  No one can tell you exactly what you should do to achieve your goal, but you can seek guidance from those who have done already what you want to do. Learn from the experience of others and incorporate useful hints. Seek help from other people, books, audio, or video programs.  As you go along, believe always that you will achieve what you want and if you stop believing you will certainly fail in your attempts. You need to monitor your journeys with benchmarks or milestones. If you have not reached where you planned to reach, hasten your steps, bring in additional work, time and resources to catch up.  

As you move forward, be careful about your internal communication. Remember whatever you say inside affects you physically, emotionally and mentally. Is your past, limiting beliefs and perceptions a real stumbling block along the way? Start a new positive internal dialogue. Recall all your wins however small they may be and fill your mind with the same. Unless you are passionate about your goal, you will slowly run out of fuel and stop dead on your way. Recharge your batteries and refill fuel tanks with renewed decisions and vigor. Evaluate your journey so far and make the required changes and contingency plans to meet emergencies and setbacks. Let your eyes and ears be open for new opportunities and options that come up along your way. Sometimes they may, unintentionally, lead you to where you want to go.

Some steps may seem less exciting than others but make sure to keep going until the end!  Always stay in a good mood when you pursue your goals; it is  proven goals get finished 2 to 20 times faster when you're in a good or great mood. Imagine your goal getting finished 20 times faster! How easy it will be to focus on a good mood! Things don't always work out as you had planned. Stick to your goals, but be flexible. Often, something will work itself out in a different way than you expected, but that doesn't necessarily make it bad. Don't share your goals with people who might wear you down.

When you're trying to reach a new personal or a professional goal it often means changing what you've been doing so far in your life. And it's so easy to slip back into your old ways - often without being aware of it. Suddenly you realize that you've forgotten all about the goals you set.  No one can achieve them for you without continuous action on your part. You are the only person responsible for achieving them. Make small successes on your way.  Success breeds success - but if you're not careful, perceived failure breeds further perceived failure. Dr Maxwell Maltz was the first person to explain how your self image controls your ability to achieve any goal you set. Keep motivated as you work towards achieving your goal and manage your time well. In general, you will not do anything that will not progress you towards the desired goal. You can find time management tips and vital motivational tools  from self help books, and articles. Good luck!

How to ensure a good sleep?

Just like eating sleep is a necessary factor for the survival of any species. Proper sleep is required to be healthy, to maintain one’s brain sharp and creative. Sleep gives our body enough rest and prepares us for the tasks ahead during the next day. It is like offering your body and mind a mini-vacation.  Lack of sleep induces stress and loss of concentration. It leads to numerous health problems like hyper tension and suppressed immune system.  It is also a reason for decreased ability for decision making and math problem solving. Sleeplessness can make one eat more and thus augment weight-gain. Insomnia can lead to increased blood sugar level resulting in diabetes!    

How many hours should one sleep? Some sleep 4 hours, others 8 and some on some days more than 10 hours!  Opinions vary on the number of hours one should sleep. Very busy politicians sleep about 4-5 hours. There are those lazy guys who snore off for more than 12 hours too. Theories say enough sleep is important for compiling memories for transforming experiences and learning into improved performance. It could be safe to assume that in a 24-hour-cycle the human brain requires 8 hours of sleep. Sleeping 8 hours keeps your brain at the optimum efficiency; skin and body nourished and  adds  a few extra years to your life too. 

There are mothers who spank the buttocks of their kids to wake up by half past five! These children must have had only about 6 hours sleep and they would doze off when they sit to read.  The deficient sleep accumulates in the brain and whenever it gets and opportunity, the individual  just dozes  off.  Adequate sleep is necessary for learning anything well. There are so many who struggle in the bed to get to sleep. There are as many advices too. One story goes like this: count from 1 to 100 or more (until you sleep). One lady started counting and she reached thousand without any sign of sleep descending on her. Nevertheless she continued and reached 10,000. Still sleep eluded her and she was still counting when it was dawn!

How to ensure a good sleep?                                                                                                                                            Develop a bio-clock; sleep every day more or less at the same time so that your brain automatically prepares you to sleep by around that hour. Do not engage in strenuous exercises a few hours before sleeping. Shut your mind off from all disturbing thoughts as you lie down; you can earmark a ‘worry hour’ for engaging in worry. Do not read exciting stuff or engage in hot discussions before going to sleep. If at all you want to read, do so something  hard, less exciting or boring. Nothing should disturb you as you lie down, neither the sound of TV nor that of typing or conversations and loud  shouts from the neighbours. It is good to take some sweet or a little honey before going to bed. Avoid strong tea or coffee; eat at least 3 hours before you go to bed that too a light dinner. The light should be subdued, and the bedding  firm and comfortable.  When you lie down leave everything aside, free your mind to sleep. Too much alcohol might send you to sleep immediately but the sleep will be short lived and not deep. Engage in half an hour’s physical exertion (brisk walking running or cycling with flexibility exercises) every day and follow a general bio-rhythm.  If you keep these points in mind you would be able to sleep peacefully for a duration your bio-clock is accustomed to and wake up fresh and recharged.   

    

Develop a better personality

I have always been attentive even to the small aspects that would improve my lifestyle and personal well-being.  How can we boost our personality to create an exceedingly amazing life? Here I mention some of the fundamental aspects that might trigger your inner self and drive you forward. The first and foremost thing is to decide  the purpose of your life.  It may be difficult to figure out but without knowing what you want to achieve you in life you cannot direct your inner resources or chanelize your energies.  If you know what is it that you want you can focus on things you are passionate about, on those things you love to do. 

The second most important aspect is your attitude. Do you feel you have been born with a grey cloud? Do you think you will have failures all the time? Do you think you are not good and very inadequate to succeed in anything? Nobody is perfect although there are some who are blessed with better endowments than you. Well, you cannot do anything about it and there are many who are much more unfortunate that you are. Bring your mind to believe that whatever you dream and believe you can get.You unfurl your life and your mental expectations become true. Then read on those guys who were much worse than you are and learn how they overcame their seemingly insurmountable difficulties and succeeded. There is a very simple truth: if you want something and you go after it until you get, it is sure you will be successful. You need to believe you are good and you deserve more; otherwise you cannot succeed. You can then try these simple tips. Do at least one little help a day to someone without expecting anything in return. Do what you are supposed to do, today itself. Dress and groom always smart and try to be in a peak state body physiology (stand /sit erect with shoulders drawn, looking straight; walk/move briskly); do not idle away time. Have a goal and go after it every second of your time making your dear ones happy. These steps would make you love yourself more and become more confident. Exercise, to keep your body and brain fit and eat less. I would mention one more small point: cultivate a network of friends everywhere. 

Training mind to key in success

What determines the success of whatever we undertake is the internal communication that keeps going in our minds with or without our conscious involvement. If we keep repeating to ourselves something like this: “I have not been set right from the beginning.” (When there is a failure) “There is no use trying.  This is all in my stars. I have no time for anything. There is always more than what I can cope up with.” It is not because we set in a wrong way that we do not achieve. It is this thinking that makes things wrong. Whatever we think continuously turn into reality. Thoughts have energy of their own. Bad thoughts produce bad energy, and consequently, bad forces, bad effort and bad associations. No wonder bad things result. But when we keep positive thoughts, they come into our lives too. Success in love, relationship, profession is all greatly influenced by the way we keep thinking.

 Mind and body are totally inter-connected. If you are sad your body assumes a posture suitable for sadness: looks down, drops shoulders, comes to a ‘closed’ position, breathes shallow and you talk desperate or sad things to yourself.  If you are happy or confident, you draw your shoulders, sit, and stand or walk upright in an open position, look straight and tell yourself good, confident or encouraging words. To be effective in life, we need to be in a‘peak state body physiology.’ If you are in your negative posture most of the time, you will feel drained with no energy left to dream or work for your goals

Even the images we keep in our minds-past or present -are important too. We have the option to enlarge all the good stuff –every success, achieving any goal, confident situations and whenever we felt courageous or happy. Let these images fill our minds. Brighten up these experiences, hear whatever sounds we heard, see all that we saw then more vividly and feel whatever we felt during those ‘good’ moments. Let our minds be filled with these positive experiences. Let us also make an inventory of our assets. Just start writing right now the good qualities you possess.  It could be:  your intelligence, memory, hard working nature, ambition, and ability to make friends, reading or learning habit, good physique, height, or anything you consider good. How many of them can you note down now? Let the list be a little exhaustive. Keep the file open for a few days and ask those who know you well to help you too. Once the list is comprehensive, go through them everyday once may be just before sleeping or just after waking up in the morning.  We have to learn to ignore our negatives. You may quickly run through your mind to be aware of them. There must have been a lot of unpleasant experiences in your life just like in anybody else’s. We have to learn to throw them away from our minds. Experiences stay put or opt to leave depending on how we entertain them. If we accentuate them they get impressed and they refuse to leave; if we fade them into insignificance they simply disappear. If you recall something in color, make it black and white and fade it further into a defused sate.  Lower the pitch of the sounds you hear let them echo from afar. Make the whole experience small, smaller. If it was the size of a football earlier bring it down to the size of a cricket ball and still smaller may to the size of a pin head. Then you throw it out of your mind. Now it has very little impact on you. The faint defused echoes of something will altogether disappear. Your mind is free of its clutches. Fill the space thus created with a positive experience and later with another. Let your mind be filled with such powerful experiences a enabling you to become more confident.    

The Road Map to Success

When I was a young poor boy, I used to dream about becoming somebody. But I did not know where to reach nor how to go about it.  There was some amber that burnt inside compelling me to go forward: I had to be somebody in my life at any cost. When I was 15, I had completed grade X and it was time to join a college for further studies. But my people could not even afford me a square meal, let alone send me for higher studies. I was working too to meet the bare necessities of life.    

Everything seemed so dark. It was then the diocesan priests admitted me into their seminary as an aspirant for priesthood. I did not care much for religion or God but there was no other way to keep myself afloat. But as soon as I was there, I started devouring English like a hungry destitute eats food. Later, the proficiency in English and the good accent I had developed opened avenues I had not dreamt of.  

I could not follow my innate interests (which I realized much later): speaking, writing (both fiction and non-fiction). And instead  I leant construction engineering (I am in a way grateful to it as this fetches me a good income even now) even though I was better cut out for the other things mentioned. If there was someone to guide me at an younger age to focus all my attention on what I enjoyed doing, perhaps I could have done much better later as an author and speaker. Now I know we succeed when we devote all our time and all our resources on one particular line. Dabbling in so many unrelated subjects will make us a jack of all trades and we will not be able to excel in any one of them.

From self help books and from the lives of a number of highly successful people, I have learnt a big lesson: success comes after relentless efforts and concentration on a single target. Lucky are those who land up in pursuing what they enjoy from an early age. To succeed at anything we need a few essentials: 1.  A clearly defined profession and goal (not vague, not unclear) which will be in harmony with your innate aptitudes and talents. Let your profession and goals harmonize with your inner you. Listen to the still voice, the inner guide within. Let your inner instincts and the reservoir of intuition guide you in your choices. As a rule, by the time you are in your early twenties you will know what work or profession you enjoy, what harmonizes with your inner you.  Chose a profession in which you have a passion which is like a hobby.

One of the timeless secrets of a long happy life: pursue a work that you can enjoy. The common denominator of the happiest souls is that they all loved their work. It was fun for them. They did not work a single day. It was all play and work. The truly successful ones simply pursued their goals without knowing whether they were working or playing. 

This is the greatest criteria you should bear in mind.   Not the pay and perks.  Not the management and the working climate. Not the scope for promotions or personal aggrandizement. Not the pension or the distance from your home or anything else.

It need not be a regular job; you follow what your mind is after. It can be photography, singing, painting, bird –watching, animal or plant love, nature conservation, fashion, movie direction, sculpture, selfless service,  whatever.

The question is: ‘Will you enjoy doing it? Will you be able to develop a passion for it?’ This should be the only guiding principle in choosing your work or goal.  2.  An intense passion to get there. This is not a desire but an all consuming obsession so much so that you devote every bit of your emotional energy pool to attain it. It cannot be a vague desire or a passive goal which you are entitled through the present occupation. This should be a goal you have consciously chosen after considerable deliberation and inner search which you will reach in any case, come what may. For developing an inner passion there are three basic requirements:

a.        You have an intense desire to get there. b. The target is sufficiently big enough to motivate you  

c.        Your inner you like the profession and the work associated with it.  

3.       Think it and dream it more than half the time you are awake. 

The last of the three requirements above, is very crucial.  Earlier, you were told to work or act continuously until you get what you want. But let me change the prescription: you don’t have to work at all; just think about it, at least half the time you are awake and action would follow. But thinking about more than half the time awake is not all that easy. Our minds drift from one subject to another, from one thought to a totally different one, just like frames come into focus one after another in a movie. 

There is no grey cloud over your head

The world is not against you and no one is born with a ‘grey cloud’ over his head. The future is not the past. One can easily overcome the ordeals of childhood but the pain and disappointment of the past need not repeat in your future endeavors.  Do not let a self-fulfilling prophecy to work in your life. (If you expect bad results there is a higher likelihood that they happen.) Do not worry about what is happening to you and what has happened so far, but think about what you can make happen. Learn from the past and set new goals (be careful in their choice-you should simply enjoy working for them) and pursue them.  If you try sincerely some of them will yield good results and some others not so good. Have at least a mixed bag.  Make positive incantations involving your body and soul. Make a list of your positive qualities and achievements and post them where you can see them very often.

Start savoring everything good life has to offer. Make enough money for our basic needs: it can be (annually) $40,000 in the US, Rs600,000 in India and so on. More money need not necessarily make you happier. Stay close to your dear ones as relationships with our friends and family has a closer impact on our happiness. Have a job you enjoy doing. Smile more; forgive and forget. Do not torment yourself with grudge or enmity. Have people around you who share your interests. When something goes wrong, try to figure out what went wrong and fix it up; do not indulge in self pity or curse your fate. Try to be healthy through exercise, diet and meditations. Know that every day offers new opportunities to be better than yesterday. Enjoy what you are at this moment. Nothing else matters. These days we are always doing something or the other. The ambitious work harder and longer with fewer breaks. Are you always busy and still achieve nothing? Do you miss those beautiful and joyous moments of life simply because you’re always caught up with one thing or another? Many feel It is good to take a little time off to look into yourself to see what is going on in your life, to think about those hours you are ‘doing’, to examine your work, health, relationships, just to take some time to be with your inner self. Moments of silence could be found anytime during a day to reflect on the good things that happen in life and to feel grateful to nature and the people around.

Offer challenges to your grey matter:

Try new foods. Why not you walk into a Japanese restaurant to eat cooked rice and a slice of raw fish or a Vietnamese one to taste a piece of a snake or a reptile? Or experience the pungent spicy curry in an Indian place. Get away from the rut of eating the same food you have been eating all the time. Let there be challenges to your brain. Try wearing a Japanese Kimono, an Indian dhoti and a Nehru shirt, sari and blouse, or a unique African traditional dress. Let your brain adjust to the queer feeling and live with it.Take another route (other than the one you go every day) to your house, go to different churches, night clubs, restaurants, supermarkets and different tourist destinations.   Choose a different seat at the dining table, eat with fingers without fork, use left hand to brush, iron, and write (the last one requires practice) and try a new set of casual ware at home. While at home, walk closing your eyes (let your brain adjust to the no-sight situation) and try walking backward. Give more and more opportunities for your brain to become active and use its untested powers. Maintain a memory diary and record in it the people you met today in the order of meeting. Or, record whatever you did  sequentially (especially if your memory is weak).  Try to recall the names of those you met last week at the supermarket or at the church or at the wedding reception. Recall the places you visited and even saw during your last trip abroad. Bring to your mind every detail on the sides of the roads you have travelled.  As Harvey Ullman observed, ‘Anyone who stops learning is becoming old’. They are staying at a fixed point of time. They do not experience anything new; they feel the advancement of age and the approaching death. They idle away their time waiting for the inevitable to happen. They do not pursue a new goal; they deteriorate by stagnation. There is only one master key that can unlock your future and lift you up from the morass of drudgery: dreams, goals and the desire to achieve them. Find dreams worth chasing and go after them.  If it can captivate your heart, your focus will be sharpened and you will attain a new momentum in the hot pursuit. 

Life just begins now

Your life begins right now. The past is over and done with. The future stretches out ahead of you in myriad forms. You take flight now and soar up in the horizon with your dreams acting as a beacon to guide you.

This should be your intense desire. Every day you repeat this: “My life begins today. I have lived -- years but I feel I am starting my life right now like a kid. I do feel that my real life lies ahead with a bright future where I will conquer new territories and achieve new goals. Physically and mentally I feel afresh, anew, just about to begin my new life. The past is a flicker and what is going to unfold is a full life. Everything lies ahead; everything just begins."             

We all know that every present moment is always new. The new is constantly shedding the old.  Life works through this process. A spring that stops replenishing its new waters soon turns dank and sour. If anything in life fails to shed the old, it quickly stagnates. Every one of us must aspire for a new life. I am not mentioning the natural life process mentioned above. I talk about a new life that just begins like that of a teenager.   

 The real danger lies when you feel life is getting over, that the good old days have passed by. It is when you feel you are now past your prime and that what lies ahead is the slanting rays and long shadows.         

Have you lost the curiosity and the agility of a child? Is your mind dull and the body heavy? Have your joints become stiff, your muscles tight and your mind set in a rut? If they have come to this stage, you can undo or refresh it. Yu can again become like a teen. You can have the mind of a child.  

Improving Memory

Are you an active user of your memory?   Do you rely on it to remember a name a phone or a street number?  Do you learn a new skill or a new subject or a new language occasionally?                                                                                Do you engage in cross word puzzles, brain games and puzzles?  Do you try to recall things accurately from your past-childhood events, tourist spots, the names of your friends in say grade X or V?  Do you try remembering some of the outstanding sentences from the books you read? Are you fit physically and mentally?  Do you want to live long and happy?                                        Are you careful in your appearance  always?    

An intense desire to live a healthy and long is a strong motivation to tap your memory fully.  Even the best memory will not function properly if the individual has lost his quest for life. Memory can be retained in a top condition if your mind and body are fit. Personal beliefs have a lot to do with the way memory functions. If you say, ‘my memory is poor ‘it is, in effect, a small command to your brain to function poorly. If the ‘commands’ are repeated often enough, the brain will oblige and make your memory function poorly. 

In my seminars on memory I ask the participants: ‘how do you feel about your memory?’                                          20-25% would say my memory is good.   35-40 % would declare their memory is poor. About 40% feel they have an average memory.  Stop mentioning to anyone your  memory is poor. No memory is poor. It may function relatively better in a particular field and not as good in another. But it is never poor or bad; it is always good. The moment you start feeling that your memory is good, it starts to function better. Your feeling or positive expressions are indirect commands to the brain, and if repeated often, it will produce some positive ripples and make you memorize and recall better.  Whatever you believe becomes the truth.                       

Memory has a habit of suppressing what you do not like or what the subconscious mind has painful association with. We always recall the names of the people we liked very much and forget the names of those we disliked. Mothers do not remember the details of the pain and labor but vividly recall seeing and holding the baby with every detail. The latter made her happy and the former sad. Impression is a major factor helping memorizing and recall.  How deeply is the event or stimuli impressed upon the cells? Out of the millions of sight signals that reach our retina as we walk along a new road, a skyscraper is retained vividly. It sheer size and height must have surprised you making you look again and again at different angles. The impression or image of the object gets thus indelibly marked. Whereas ordinary sights along the way is seen in a passing way and does not get impressed at all. Similarly, thousands of sound stimuli reach your brain but a few of them only gets recorded for recall. The shrill cries of a baby reverberate in your brain whenever you remember that journey. It caught your attention due to the high pitch, longer duration and the motions it evoked in you. Its impression was stronger than that of a passing sound.    

Children remember and recall better what they studied repeatedly. Repetitions make a better impression than reading once. Recalling something learnt at frequent intervals makes it indelibly marked in the memory centers. Interest is again a memory booster. Emotional interest helps well. Normally learning a foreign language is difficult. Iif you are told you are included In a trip to china and the people of the village you are going to visit speaks only Chinese, you will be immediately motivated to learn the foreign tongue.  Without interest nothing can be studied for retention, recall or later application. Interest can be evoked though motivation or excitement. Motivation is apt in the case of employees and excitement in the case of children.  A worthwhile goal and an intense desire to go up will help sharpen one’s memory. In the absence of goals people are drifting and they do not employ their mind or its attention on the topic and things just come and go without leaving any mark. One who has fixed his goal and walks up there or is on the move will assimilate anything he finds useful on the way with full mind and emotional involvement and he will try to recall or apply it later on thus leaving a deep impression in the memory cells.         

Is your memory poor?

"An accurate and retentive memory is the basis of all success,” says, Harry Loraine.                                                 No one can succeed without developing and utilizing one’s memory. Let it be examination, business, job relationships or anything else. Without developing and cultivating your memory it will be difficult to climb the ladders. Is your memory sharp and accurate? One Hundred percent accuracy is only an ideal dream. Do you think it is sharp enough and good enough that you can rely on it whenever you will require its services? Or do you think it is rather fading? Again as per Harry, the greatest memory expert ever,   ‘There is no good or bad memory. There is only trained or untrained memory, exercised or unexercised memory.’ Every memory is good. They become better with use and exercise and rusted with disuse and neglect.   It may true that we can remember more easily in the area of our liking. If you are a singer you recollect songs easily. I sometimes wonder how many songs these singers can recollect with ease. They will be able to recite a song after listening to it once, twice or thrice. Great playback singers get Ok in the first take itself. The music director does not have to keep on repeating the tune over and over to them. Their memory is in harmony with music and its myriad permutation and combinations.

I have heard many youngsters say, “ I can’t remember a thing of math.”  But you ask the same guy the rules of rugby. He will recite the entire lot of them without a single omission. Another girl may recall exactly the dates and the venues where his basket ball hero scored high. If you ask a boy from India the stadium, city and country, where, Sachin Tendulkar scored a century he will tell all of them without making a mistake.  They all have a good memory after all, although they find math tough. One remembers what one is interested in. Memory functions much better in an area one innately likes and performs poorly in another which the individual dislikes.  This explains why some students score high in languages and are bad in math or physics. Some others get A+ in math and science subjects and D in languages. When you like a subject you are more interested in it and this leads to better memorizing and better recall .  If you give less attention to what you want to memorize, the weaker will be the impression and hence difficult the recall later. Everyone has got the capacity to memorize, retain and recall much more than they believe they can. Due to non-use the faculty may have been rusted. But it can be polished or sharpened at any age or at any time.  It may be true that the power of memory retention slows down with age. But as the power of the faculty is very high and as we use only a fraction of it normally, this does not matter at all. Memory cells are lost if you bang your head against something or if you consume alcohol or drugs. The loss of a few thousand cells of the brain may not affect you much as there are over 100 billion neurons and as you do not be using even 10 % of the whole lot. The loss will be further mitigated as the nearby neurons will take up the work of the dead ones before long. If you exercise your mind and body and keep a thirst for life, you can recall, retain and memorize anything up to a good old age.  But if you don’t exercise your memory at all it may have a premature death.

Corrupt India

India is the 83rd corrupt nation in the Global Corruption Index, a survey of 133 nations conducted by Transparency International (an anti-graft watchdog)!  We are alongside Malawi and Romania recording a score of 2.8 out of 10!  Ten means a country with no corruption. Bangladesh is the most corrupt and Finland the least. Since Independence, we have slowly glided into a corrupt land due to the USSR pattern of governance Nehru adopted, creating a big bureaucracy and never ending formalities and laws thereby institutionalizing corruption. Smt. Indira Gandhi, perpetuated it further by empowering government officials, politicians, police and the judiciary. The rich businessmen, political leaders, vested interests and criminals seem to be the ones who give direction to the policies, laws, rules and regulations of this land.  The whole government machinery has become totally rotten. Scam after scam surface in which the politicians have amassed wealth through graft and other illegal ways.  Is the government promoting and spreading corruption?  Look at the result! One out of three people in India, a fabulously rich nation, today live below the poverty line (earning less than $1/2 a day) and almost half of all our children are malnourished, stunted or underweight. The entire wealth is stacked away as black money by the political leaders and hoarders in secret foreign accounts.  

The laws of the land are always for the poor and the weak. The rich and the powerful are above any law. They, with their money power and connections will always find a way to come out clean with a not-guilty verdict. The poor are hooked by the long arms of the law-enforcing agents and the judiciary. Without adequate resources they cannot find a good lawyer to present their case and in many instances the mighty criminals go scot free and the poor get punished!  The poor are, in general misguided, harassed and exploited. There seems to be a syndicate between the judiciary, government officials and the politicians; could it be the reason why the latter always find a way out from innumerable scams and corruption cases they are charged with.  Further, the powerful media is in the hands of the top political family and its allies and therefore they speak their language. The middle class is being influenced by what the so-called media doles out day by day and they come to support the family and their sycophants who funds these media.  There is a big conundrum here: why is the entire media anti Hindu? Are the ruling Congress funded by rich Moslem nations or rich mafia bosses? Or does the Congress want the votes of the (largely poor) minority community en-block? 

Laugh your way to health

We know our health very much depends on our mental condition. When we are in the company of good people and cheerful surroundings, our body functions much better. Unpleasant scenery and the presence of those whom we dislike can make us sick and tired. A steady, good state of mind can usher in health and a negative one sickness.  Mental states influence our nervous system and vital organs.  One can acquire radiant health with a bit of exercise and food control coupled with a positive state of mind. It is now proven mental disturbances like anxiety and tension can induce diabetes, asthma, bronchitis and even blood pressure. Acute depressions and intense grieving can induce cancers!  One’s feelings, emotions, and mental states reflected in one’s brain waves, influence our health. Simply put, mind has a lot to do with one’s physical state.  By controlling one’s mind one can be healthy. Depressing and negative thoughts force our glands secrete poison into the blood. It affects or retards the normal body functions like circulation, digestion and assimilation.  A pleasant state of mind induces positive secretions which facilitate all these functions.

Constant laughing, smiles and a joyous state can cure diseases and help our body build up immunity against them. If one is depressed or sad immunity gets reduced and the count of the white blood corpuscles comes down. In a recent medical research, cancer patients were accommodated in a hall where they were allowed to read only funny magazines, articles, anecdotes and books, and see humorous films or videos. The experiment was continued for six months. When they were tested afterwards, it was observed that almost 20 percent of the patients were cured totally! There was a marked improvement in the others!  If a continuous joyous state can cure even incurable diseases like cancer, ordinary illnesses can easily be overcome even with occasional smiles and a positive state of mind.   It is also proven medically that anger, frustration and sorrow can bring in diseases including cancer. Widows, for instance, are much more prone to breast cancer than others.  A pleasant state of mind is conducive for health and well-being. The facial features can change one’s inner state of mind.  If your facial muscles can be turned into a smiling state, the intensity of sorrow will lessen and it will help maintain a pleasant state and build up disease fighting mechanism. So, keep a smile always dangling in your lips.    

A Blunder of the Great Mother Teresa

 

Everyone has a flaw, however high he or she might be. Mother Teresa is undoubtedly one of the greatest women ever lived. But she did commit a Himalayan blunder inadvertently. But the error of the Mother is so consequential that it eclipses a lot of the good she has ever done to a poor nation like India.

 India has been tottering under heavy population. It is increasing at an alarming rate. At the time of independence India had about 400 million people. In 2000 the population was more than 1000 million!  An increase of 600 millions in just 60 years!  10 million stomachs were added to this poor country in just a year! Out of the 1000 millions, At least 500 million were living below the poverty line: without one square meal a day. Even with all the strides India made in the late nineties, the number of the poor kept on increasing.
Mother Teresa came to serve the poor of India after independence. The Holy Mother went round exhorting the people to have as many kids as they can. “Every child is an expression of God’s love,” she kept on reminding. This did contribute to the population explosion.  She may not be the sole reason for the proliferation but she did have an impact. The ordinary people of India have always heeded the advice of holy people. They would not listen to even great leaders in this aspect. She being holy and revered, the poor believed her and took her advice, seriously.
May be she has taken care of say, a million destitute and orphans. How do people become destitute or orphaned? They are mostly from poor families. It may not be possible to compute how many more were added to the list of the destitute due to her principled stand. Let us assume 1% of the population followed her advice (one in hundred) and one child was given birth by each couple (again one out of one hundred couple) who literally believed her promise that god would feed and educate and clothe the additional child. The actual figure could be much more!  Half percentage of 10 million--one child for two people =5 million children-- were added to the list of the poor. Out of this almost all of them would have been poor. (The rich would not have heeded her advice and added another child.) Say, ten percent of them got educated fed and clothed and landed up in good jobs. The remaining 4.5 million destitute kids were thrown into the vortex of wants, illiteracy and sickness.  She altogether took care of a million orphans, sick and destitute.The net result? She made more than 3.5 million destitute by her principled stand. What a service to a poor nation!

How to attain super health?

There is no point in living Without being healthy. Does your health depend on the treatment you receive to cure your diseases? Does it depend on the number of times you visit doctors or hospitals?  Doctors, hospitals and medication can only help you get rid of symptoms of diseases. And, absence of disease is not health. There are 3 stages in this: Diseases, absence of diseases and super health.   Generally people are worried about the first stage and are interested in the second one. Super health is perfect mental and physical well-being. Very few are even aware of the third stage and still less know that it is purely based on a personal initiative. You can be mentally and physically fit only if you want to, only if you think and intensely desire it. Medical examinations and tests will reveal certain parameters like blood pressure, sugar and cholesterol levels in the blood, the onslaught of cancer, AIDS, or any other disease and the way  your heart, lungs, kidney, liver or any other vital organ functions. The doctors will advise you as to how to get rid of adverse symptoms and prescribe medication to get rid of them.    But no doctor can make you healthy. No medication can ensure your mental and physical well-being nor can it induce youthfulness and energy. NO ONE ELSE CAN LEAD YOU INTO SUPER HEALTH BUT YOU. Your thoughts will decide whether you will be healthy or sick, young or old. May be the following checklist would help: Do you have an intense desire to live long and healthy?  Do you have a life goal or goals which will drive you forward and make you fruitfully engaged always? Are you fit mentally and physically? (Do you exercise regularly  and control your diet--eat generally less, eat more vegetables, fruits, whole grains and nuts; take less salt and sugar, drink more water; avoid a lot of fatty or fried foods) Do you exercise your brain and memory on a regular basis? Do you feel like involving yourself romantically with those of the opposite sex of any age? Do you enjoy your life and feel grateful to the forces that gave birth to you? Do you take care of your personal appearance, go for picnics and keep friendship with likeminded people? If you do all these you are on your way to super health.

Who become your enemies?

The guy or woman whom you disliked at first sight is prone to become your enemy much more than those whom you liked at first sight. As the latter confirm to your standards and as their features harmonize with the features you love deeply, the chances are that they will remain in your friends or ‘good people’ list. From the people we come across, we make enemies of those whose appearance and features are incongruent with our mental map, and friends of those whose features and criteria are congruent with our maps. The world is as we see it. People behave to us the way we see them. We tend to nourish a grudge and become harsher with those we dislike and they in turn they show their resentment and dislike us. They understand our subconscious attitudes and reciprocate with equally inimical behaviors. We are thus creating our own enemies and friends under the influence of our mental maps. 

Instead of complaining about the misbehaviors of others or trying to change them we should, I think, become aware of our mental maps and analyze how we see others. To our surprise we would find that most of those we hold ‘bad’ are not that bad after all. Pluck off the initial impressions from our mind and take them as good people and there will be nothing more to complain against them. We make our world.

Examine how you feel toward each person you meet, your neighbour,  subordinate, colleague or superior. Impartially identify whether the first emotional impression (without any objective basis) influences your opinion of him/her. If the answer is yes you will have to restructure your map and make an assessment from an objective study of the person, his behavior, efficiency, output, usefulness, honesty and integrity. Change you map before you can become a good friend, colleague, neighbor, manager, or supervisor.

Why do we love/hate a person at first sight?

You may answer: ‘it is because of his/her character and personality.’  

But the truth cannot be far from that.

You might have met someone just once and you felt attracted at first sight. Not a ‘thunderbolt love’, but you certainly felt some unknown strings pulling you mildly to him/her. There was no time to study the person or his/her background, likes, dislikes, views on family, future, religion, politics or anything else. You could not even ask her/his name. All the same you felt attracted.  

“You look at a person and you feel like  you have made a connection. you looked at this one person out of the entire people assembled there and thought, wow! This person is made for me!” In eastern societies living together before marriage is unthinkable and consent for marriage is based entirely on the first impression or liking.   A youngster will like a person whose features match with those held dear in the subconscious. 

When you meet, ten people together, you may feel an instant liking for say, two of them. Another guy would catch your attention more. You feel he is really handsome.  Two of the remaining ones evoke a dislike in your mind while a third is detestable. The remaining four persons look neutral; you neither like nor dislike them.   Well, what a diverse reaction! You have just seen them. Of course dressing and grooming does differentiate them, but that may not be the real reason that has evoked these reactions in your mind. Your judgment has nothing to do with their character, education or status as you do not know them at all

Why did you see them differently? The psychology of falling in love may enlighten us to understand why we fall in love with someone. But the majority of us do not care to analyze the reasons and we just like to treat this as a mysterious process with no rules.  But we have to know why we like certain people and why we dislike others.

Why we like the person we like? If we find someone who has similar features to someone who was dear to us during our infancy and early childhood (these features are all indelibly inscribed in our subconscious mind) we may take an instant liking to him/her. Further, from our life experiences we have drawn a list of the nature of the characteristics (‘criteria’) like  the color of the skin, height, weight, facial appearance, hair, body profile, body language and communication ) that strongly appeal to our mind.  If we find these criteria in a particular person we tend to like him and generally we are attracted to him. If the features held dear by our subconscious mind (gleaned from the features of the persons who loved or took care of us in our early days) and the criteria, we have come to accept as ideal, we are looking for in a person, are found in a man or woman, we tend to instantly fall in love with or like him/her strongly.  

This is an unconscious process and it does not result from any objective study of the person in front.  This is universal and this first felling will create a lasting mental bias towards him or her unless conscious efforts are later undertaken to correct the same.  We are positively inclined to one who matches with our map of an ideal person and negatively inclined to another who is a mismatch.A question like this may have propped up in your mind sometimes: “Why don’t I feel attracted to someone who is ‘absolutely fantastic’ to many others?”

Otherwise, you might have felt, “why am I feeling an attraction to this person even though he/she is not conventionally beautiful or handsome?”

If the features and the criteria held by you match with those of the person in front of you, there will be an instant liking which may lead to love. People instantaneously notice one’s physical appearance and get trapped into love/hate at the first sight/ meet. Strongly- felt positive feelings and the webs of sexual attraction between a male and a female makes an impartial assessment of one’s nature and personality later very difficult. And hence the first attraction is very crucial in the eventual decision to accept or reject. If you strongly dislike a person in the first encounter it is mainly because of the mismatch between his appearance, body language communication and the features and criteria you hold dear to you in the depths of your mind.  This dislike will continue to influence you in assessing the person in your future encounters before the crucially important decision as mentioned before. Many of our enemies’ features will not match with those held good by your subconscious mind. There will be mismatches between the criteria held dear by us and those of the persons in question.     

 Love or liking at first sight starts with an impressible feature and criteria matching. Dislike, hatred, enmity -- all must have a beginning in a total mismatch of features and criteria.